Vivid Dreams

^“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. “(2 Corinthians 12:9)

Many of us missional women, along the journey of life, may find ourselves married and with missionary kids (MK’s) or maybe you are a MK yourself. So I just recently wrote my two middle children of 4 who are MK’s, and happen to like to write and asked:

” I would like to invite you to write something for my blog if interested? I think my audience would be interested in hearing what you have to say. “What was it like to grow up in Philippines 🇵🇭 as an MK missionary kid? Good and bad , if any and in what ways has it impacted your life today ? Or if you were to share one story about your life as an MK what would it be and why ?“

Both of them responded back. This month will be Shane, our third child, and next month will be Shawna our second child, who are both grown and out of the house. We are very blessed by what they have become. I think you will enjoy their insights.

Shane is the editorial director for Proven Ministries, a sexual integrity organization. He is finishing up his graduate degree in apologetics and lives in Lynchburg Virginia. He loves reading, movies, and rock climbing. You can read Shane’s work at https://www.provenmen.org/blog/.

VIVID DREAMS

“I’m 29, and yet I’m still discovering what it means to be a missionary kid (MK) and how that experience has shaped me. Let me take a moment to share two ways I’ve been impacted by being born in a Majority World country. I was born in the Philippines in 1990, and I lived there for the first five years of my life. Many of my memories from the Philippines strike me as a series of vivid dreams, dreams I used to have over and over again, but dreams that suddenly stopped. It’s hard to say how an environment and culture form a person, specifically a child.

What Shapes Us?

There have been enough studies to show us that we don’t need to remember an experience for it to shape us. Trauma works that way; an event occurs and impacts us so deeply that even the removal of the memory does little to shade the effect of that event.

Early childhood development also functions this way. Children don’t remember much, but growing up with laughter, play, and even areas with good natural light shape the character, temperament, personality of every person. In the same way, just on the other end, abuse, pressure, and a broken environment shape a child, though they may remember none of it. I know the Philippines has shaped who I am, but I’m still unearthing how.

Clinical Depression

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I remember depression becoming a regular part of my internal world while I was in middle school. Once the weather would begin shifting to the fall season, something inside of me would crack and it’s as though the world reflected that fragmentation. Colors became less vibrant, sound became less rich, anxiety would be there when I woke up in the morning and the emotional energy of summer would slip away as days got shorter and the sun sent less light.

Later, we found out that the winter blues were tied to being a missionary kid from a tropical location. For the first five years of my life, fall and winter weren’t seasons I learned to live within. My mind had established a certain expectation from my life-environment and when that shifted by moving to the States then my mind didn’t know how to reinterpret life. I had no coping mechanism for the experience of cold and less sun. Consequently, a massive part of my adult life has been spent learning how to deal with the groaning of my soul in these seasons, as well as how to encounter the beauty of North American seasons. That’s my first impact.

Humans don’t live in a vacuum; context influences us. Learning to live well in the environments I find myself has been one of the biggest journeys of my adult life. We are always being shaped by our environment, that’s inevitable, but as humans we can decide what kinds of environments we’re in and we can design many of the aspects within that environment — like, how to be warm and active during winter seasons, how to get vitamin C, and how to be vulnerable with the people and community around us.

Part of being image bearers of God is learning to exercise dominion and know peace in the areas of our life that threaten to overwhelm us.

On to the next impact…

Seeing People but Unseen

We travelled a lot and encountered many people from many cultures. This conditioned within me a familiarity with humans in general and how to be around them. Being a missionary kid has helped me to see people, underneath their presentation of self, and behind their insecurities and bravado. Initially, I would use this as a means of being seen by others. I could intuit what people wanted to see and I would make myself into that person.

As a youth, we moved frequently, and I learned how to see desires, longings, and motives of those around me. And while very young, I started practicing the discipline of asking questions and listening. People and personality types were easy for me to read and I could assimilate into people’s lives with little effort.

Being Seen and Seeing Rightly

As I mentioned, I would use this skill to come off as interesting, but really, I wanted to present myself as somebody worth knowing. In its worst form, it was raw manipulation. I would crack people’s souls open, while never showing them mine. But fortunately, a terrible tool in the hands of the flesh, can be a remarkable instrument in hands of Jesus.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown in realizing all that Jesus has done in order to know me, that He sees me as someone unique and worth knowing, even as He sees my utter worst. I’m able to use that skill to extend the hospitality Jesus shows me to those around me. Instead of seeing people, just hoping that they might see me, I let myself be seen by Him and then extend being seen to others. It’s become a beautiful practice in a shared humanity, a hospitality of the soul. Though, I am still rather bad at it.

Loving Uniquely

Learning to see people for their own sake is of one my favorite journeys in life, as is learning that I’m seen by a gentle Savior who makes remarkable days for me, regardless of what season those days happens to fall within. Our greatest weaknesses are really simply the exploitation of our greatest strengths. The thing that bridges weakness to strength is the grace of vulnerability.

Hard seasons have become some of the most beautiful, as I bring people into my hurt and allow myself to be known. Every struggle and hurt is an opportunity to be known and to know the goodness of God. Whether here or on the other side of the planet, Jesus takes our crosses and births resurrection.

I wouldn’t give up being a missionary kid for anything, it’s been a remarkable part of my life- journey, just as the nuances of your life have shaped you to be unique and to be able to love uniquely.”

Shane was our prodigal child as a teenager but today he knows Jesus. My husband and I are blessed for the child he has become from all the experiences God has given him. He has redeemed the times. Would love to hear any thoughts you might like to share from your story in response to this article “Vivid Dreams” by Shane O’Neill. And also please take time to read some of his writings at https://www.provenmen.org/blog/.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS: (Married with MK’s) What memories are you trying to make that will help shape the heart and mind of your MK(‘s)? (Missionary Kid) What part of Shanes’ story can you relate to? What does it stir in you as you think back over your memories? (Either) What impact is your experience as a mission worker having on you as a person and with God? What cultural changes have you experienced going from one culture to another that might be having an impact and could help you understand yourself better after reflecting on it? Would love to hear any thoughts you might like to share from this article Vivid Dreams.

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“ Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”