THE PRODIGAL THAT TURNED HOMEWARD
A FIVE PART SERIES
(Picture below: Shane, age 5)
(Picture below: Taken 2019, age 29)
Dedicated to Shane, our only son of 4 kids, who has been sober from drugs and other things for 10 years now 2020
CHILDREN ARE A GIFT FROM GOD
“Unless the Lord Builds the house those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.” PSALM 127:1-5
When my husband and I travel, I often run into parents, especially moms, whose children aren’t walking with the Lord. Their hearts are broken and I understand their pain.
We have watched nine or more of our son’s friends die from drug related deaths. During our son, Shane’s, five year addiction with drugs, we wondered when his turn would come. Please read,“One Mother’s Journey of RAISING a Prodigal” (c) by Sterling O’Neill, a 5 part series as the story unfolds. Part 1: Shane’s Early Years; Part 2: Years of Pain; Part 3:High School Years; Part 4: Coming to End of the Line?; and Part 5: Changed Heart.
SHANE’S EARLY YEARS
(PART ONE)
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13
(Below: Living in the Philippines (Asia) with our team. Pregnant with Shane in womb. Sterling in the middle with curly hair, and a bunny on shirt with pink shorts)
Shane was born in the Philippines and was raised as a missionary kid (MK) with 3 sisters– two older, one younger. He can recall lots of great childhood memories.
When Shane was five years old, after my husband and I served in the Philippines for 13 years as overseas workers, we moved back to the states and settled in Virginia. When Shane turned nine, we moved again, but this time to Pennsylvania, where Shane entered 4th grade.
Cutest kid ever, if I may say so myself. Author’s prerogative! He charmed everyone. He seemed to always come home from school with some funny story told over family dinner. He would often have us all rolling in tears with laughter.
(Pictures 1 below: Shane loved books even before he could autually read. Waiting in the airport to fly to the US from Asia age 4 for Home Ministry)
(Picture 2 below: Shane age 5 one year later visiting Asia to get our things to move to US. The weather is hot in the Philippines, most year around.)
Shane was a very observant child. He was the kind of kid that noticed when I moved furniture in the home or when I had a new outfit or cut my hair that day. He not only noticed it but he would comment on it too.“Mom your hair looks good, did you get it cut”? This also translated into observing his friends and wanting to fit in.
He made good grades until 7th grade, then we began to see his grades drop. The teachers told us that until then Shane could get away with a lot, because he was smart, but now he had to study to get the grades. He wasn’t applying himself like he should. He hadn’t learned the skills and disciplines of learning because he was able to grasp a lot without studying and we didn’t realize it.
Little things began to change in his attitude and personality. This loveable child began to pull away from his mom, too. No one else seemed to notice these changes. Even Shane would deny it. He didn’t want to disappoint us but I could tell things were different.
Our cute, charming, observable, smart, loveable, upcoming influential young leader, little boy was only wanting to grow up! But unknown to us, it was the mark of the beginning of a fight for his heart. This was the start of a slippery slope downward, but it wasn’t always easy to see.
(Below: Shane with his family at age 8)
As a mother and now a grandmother here are things I learned along the way that maybe you will find helpful. At the end of each point are questions for you to use to reflect your own situation. No matter how hard your life’s context is, here are 6 items to consider. My husband and I try to practice these often as imperfect as we are. Shane tells us years later how much of an impact on him these have had on him, even though he wondered off as a prodigal.
PRINCIPLE ONE: Children are a Gift from the Lord
FIVE THINGS WE PRACTICED
A. Look for the good in your children: Verbally tell them often.
Remind them verbally often of the goodness of God or ways you see God working, or even things special to you. It is told that it takes seven positives for every negative comment.
I know I like hearing praises. I know I need to be reminded of God’s love and approval of me often.
We know God loves us just the way we are but I need to be reminded of that often. How much more for children who are learning so much in a short time? Some days it seems we are correcting so much. But our children did so some good today so look for it and tell them. Even if it is only to tell them you love them and you are thankful they were born to your family.
How do you feel when someone says a kind word about you? When can you stop, and share at least one good thought of your child with them today?
B. Praise God for them: thanking God for the way he has designed your children.
Be a learner of your child and the special God-given design he or she has been given and how God is developing them. Ask God to show you and praise Him for them. They are a gift from God. (Psalm 127 found at top of page)
How do you see your child(ren) as gifts from God?
(Picture Below: Shane, sisters, and some cousins with their grandmother, MEMA, age 10)
C. Make as many good memories as you can: remind them of those times often. Building love and continuity. (Book: “What is a Family” by Edith Shaefer).
We made birthdays, Christmas, and vacations full of memories. We rehearse those special moments often with our kids. We still do.
Not only reminding the kids but also allowing them to peep into our own hearts as to what is important to us by telling them stories of those memories. We even tell them stories of our own childhood special moments as well as mistakes and what we learned from them.
We often made videos of them and would show them later. So much easier today with cell phones and social media.
Traditions and family moments help children feel like they belong and belong to something bigger than themselves. They often support the values your family holds. Depending on their age those traditions might change to something that is meaningful to them but still passes on the same value.
What memories can you share with your child today? What traditions or contiuity does your family practice that holds some of your important values you want to instill in your children through sweet memories? If no memories how can you develope one now in either of these areas?
D. Plan out goals for your children yearly: things you want to work on with them. Such as values or character developments you desire for them to have that fit their personality and bent. You can also check out age appropriate charts to give you ideas like.www.organizingpro.com (shop for “Ages & Stages of Getting Children Organized”) by Marcia Ramsland.
Values or character development might be praying for more kindness or sensitivity towards spiritual things in their lives. Then finding ways to help them get there. Always praying, and modeling, etc….
For example pointing out when they are kind or you see or hear something only God can do in their life but they did it. This way they are encouraged and see exactly what you are asking of them.
Age appropriate charts show what children can or may not be able to do at a certain age. I would pick one like making their bed or dressing themselves. If they weren’t doing that I would pick one and work on getting them competive in that one area before moving onto the next one. Trying to encourage them in areas they had already learned as well.
What are some goals this year you would like to see God work in your child(ren’s) hearts, character, or age appropriate child developments? What ways would you like to gently and consistantly bring your children along and model before them your values andcharacter qualities? What ways can you bring them into the process with you on these decisions if any?
(Picture Below: Shane, age 2, helping to wash clothes with his sisters & Auntie Yulie.)
E. Make sure you are shepherding your own heart too: “Shepherding your Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp, is a must read or “Age of Opportunity” by Paul Tripp (more for the teenage years). There are other books and groups out there today to help encourage your own heart along with God’s Word.
In what ways can you take advantage of to grow your own heart and keep it strong before the Lord? What steps would you like to take to make sure it happens?
F. Always Pray, Pray, Pray! What are you specifically praying for in your children? What is one thing you could start praying about now from the list above?
Personal Reflections: What is or was your child like in preschool and/or elementary years? What have I said that speaks the most to you? What can you share with us that you do to keep your heart hopeful before the Lord? Please tell us a story in the comment section of the blog “Shane’s Early Year’s”
From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,
“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”