“Return, O Lord, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?” Psalms 6:4-5 NLT
Traveling, mission and visiting aging parents along with adult children and grandkids are all part of our oikos (Greek word for household). Learning to balance so many family connection points is definetely more art than science. Our extended blood relatives (Oikos) are still very much a part of our emotional makeup. Whether good, bad, living near or far away from them they still have impact on who we are in some form or another.
We all find ourselves in different places and stages of this journey we call life. Connecting is made somewhat easier given the distances between family in the social media era with such tools as with Facebook, and video calls thru Zoom, and accessible traveling. All of these resources allow us to stay present with kids, grandkids, parents and sibblings but not always without difficulties. We might ask ourselves is making all this investment for our oikos worth it?
Sometimes we have to be the ones to redeem the time and be intentional in making these moments a reality. Let me tell you about one family member, my dad, who I just received news on January 2nd, 2020 that he had passed away.
Once someone dies you immediately, it seems, go to the memories of that person; what you will miss or not miss or things you are thankful for or times of regret.
MY DAD
November 8th, 2019
His death was not a surprise.
November 8-11th, 2019 was the last time for me to visit my dad while he was still alive. As we approached him he acted as if he didn’t know me which was a surprise at this time because up to then his face would light up when he saw me. I had to get really up close to him for his eyes to even light up in recognition this time. He smiled for a second, letting us know he knew something. He even mentioned my name. Then his conversation and memories shifted to stories of the past. A brief moment in time which will now stick in my mind’s eye as one special last memory with my dad.
Living near my parents, my two brothers, Lee and Jim, were frequent visitors with mom and dad. Having families working together to care for their parents is not always a given. But I’m so thankful my brothers could give such attention to my parents especially my dad in his final months on this earth.
November 11th, 2019
I had already scheduled another trip to SC on Saturday, Jan 4 th to see him and my mom again. With aging parents, Jim and I made it a priority to visit them almost montly knowing they were declining physically. This trip would be different. Now our visit would involve his burial and a memorial grave side service. We will Miss him.
A retired lawyer and Lt Col. In the Marine Reserves.
Young Lehman Adwell Moselely dressed in Marine Uniform
Seeing all this has caused me to often question what I like and what I didn’t like? What is good and what isn’t? It has helped me to desire to treat people where they are and not what I want them to be. It has caused me to be more of an encourager.
So God used my dad to make me more aware of those areas I need to stick up for, ultimately for what is right, and to be honest. My desire is to push people forward, not necessarily like my dad did but in ways pleasing to God. Now being a Life Coach is one way to help others and encourage them to be all God wants them to be, moving them forward to achieve the goals God puts on their hearts. Thanks dad for instilling some of the attributes that now God has redeemed.
I AM THANKFUL FOR MY DAD
2017 My daugher shawna with my dad
Would you allow me to walk down memory lane of experiences with my dad? Funerals give us some needed space to reflect and remember.
Being the attorney he was and Lt Col. in the Marine Reserves, he taught me how to look others in the eyes. He always said “When you look someone in the eyes it gives the appearane that you are confident and you are a honest person. It is hard to be telling a lie and look someone in the eyes.” I have found some wisdom in his words. Then dad also taught me how to give a firm handshake. I had to keep up with my brothers, didn’t I?
As an attorney, he had to know how to talk to people so he was always talking to strangers. I would watch him like an hawk as he mingled. I believe this went into my make-up of liking people. Once God got ahold of my heart and I realized how Biblical relationship building is part of living out the values of the Kingdom. God used my dad to stir this desire in me. Today, I enjoy making connections and small talk with others. (Thanks, dad!)
When I was a little girl I always enjoyed my night time with dad. I would climb into bed with dad so he could read to me. My favorite, I remember was Black Beauty. I loved the security of being in his arms snuggling up to him, as his little girl. For this I am thankful because later I learned to know what it was to feel secure in our Heavenly Father’s arms. Not to mention I love horses, too.
At Christmas time, my dad would say: “Sterling what do you want for Christmas?” Then he would sing: “All I want for Christmas are my two front teeth, my two front teeth….”. He liked singing that over and over. This started when I first lost my two front teeth but then was sung every year after. Or he would call me his little Cinderella
.
Funeral on Jan. 6th. Dad passed Jan. 2nd. Closed intimate funeral with family and a few friends.
When my dad heard the inter-city kids were going to be bused to the residential schools where I went to school at East North Elementary School, he decided he would take me out and put me in a private school for my 6th grade. East North had been home to me since Kingdergarden.
However, this was dad’s way of loving us. He didn’t realize but God did that. By placing me in the private school, my dad was instrumental for me coming to know Jesus as Lord. That year Jesus was introduced to me and I fell in love with Him. I’m forever thankful for that year .
The next year my Mom and dad divorced. My world was broken. I went back to public school again but now I was part of a bigger family of God’s people. For this I am thankful for my dad.
He taught me how to respect the law. I think today I love watching suspenseful movies where court cases are shown because of him.
Later when I was in High School I worked for my dad at the Law firm, doing filing etc… One day I had this project in one of my classes to reinact a court case. I was to be the defending attorney. I accepted this because I knew my dad was a good lawyer and he could help me win this case. So I called him and for a brief moment my dad and I connected. I ended up winning the case and I became polular with all my classmates. At that time I was thankful God had given me the dad He had. I was proud to have a dad who was an attorney.
June 2014 Last pictue with all siblings and my dad. My sister passed away 2016
When I was 14 I prayed that the man I would marriage would like sports and politics because I knew dad loved those two things. So this way my husband and he would get along and have something in common.
My husband today could converse on those two topics well and many more with my dad. I am thankful for my dad in helping me to appreciate those two areas and I am able to dialogue with others, somewhat, as well.
When I was in college I wrestled to surrender to God totally. Knowing now as a parent how impossible it is to be all we need to be for our kids, I’ve learned something of disappointments from my dad’s humanness and imperfections. This helped me to realize God’s unconditional love for me personally. What Jesus was willing to do for me on the cross and resurrection became more pronouced. Today I sit in my heavenly Father’s lap especially in those times I do not feel secure. A place where I feel his steadfast love for me like I felt in some measure with my earthly father when he read to me as a little girl or took me by the hand to feed the ducks at Furman University, or wanted to show me off to his attorney friends that I was his little girl. For this I am thankful for my dad. I know the love of the Heavenly Father in greater measure because of these memories and I cling to Him. He is the perfect “Daddy” , our Heavenly Father.
I have always had an adventurous spirit and I think in some measure it is due to my mom who is creative but also to my dad who loved to travel and visit exotic places. It created in me an imaginative and venturersome spirit. He took me to South America once which played into my calling to serve the Gospel in other nations and love for Peoples. For this I am thankful for the dad that God gave me.
Dad never visited me overseas but He and Linda (his second wife yet separated) came to visit me in Virgina and our homes in the USA. I appreciated and was thankful for those visits.
The family has grown to love Linda. 2017
Even over the last year each time I visited I was thankful if I could walk away knowing I brought a smile to his face and the visit went well. Again, our human fathers have great impact on their little girls and kids in general. I am thankful for the dad God gave me.
Dad has heard the Gospel, the Good news of Jesus many times. Just, last year, at Christmas 2018, I read a story I wrote. My dad was like a little kid listening on the edge of his chair to the words and answering my questions. I couldn’t believe his attention span lasted that long. But of course the moment didn’t last indefinitely because of his dismentia. Yet, I hang onto that moment that let me peep into my dad’s heart once again. As a child, I, too trust and believe, we will see dad in heaven again one day. I am thankful for his life even though we didn’t always see the fruit of that consistant love in his life.
Even though my dad ( or as others know him as Lehman, Buddy, Dad or Poppa) did not always live up to all of our expectations or his own, I am thankful for him. Thankful for the dad God gave me because I am who I am today because of him and my mom. He gave what love he could give. And I am sure as time goes on I will remember more things I can be thankful for but enough for now. I choose to remember those God moments and thank God for him.
Good bye, dad. We say Good bye with you on this earth and trust we will see you again, in the not so soon future. We love you Dad!
MY SON, SHANE WROTE THIS ONE STORY OF HIS POPPA ON FACEBOOK
Shane massaging poppa’s shoulders. My dad appreciated the tender loving touch so much. 2016
Grandpa’s body stopped breathing last week. In many ways, his later years were greater than his former, as he rebuilt relationships and got to be present in ways that were beyond him during his early and middle years. Honored to come from him and be known as his grandson. Grateful for these last moments of simply being able to massage his failing body, to give touch and affection to a tired man. Dead, yet now living. Finally able to be weak, held by Eternity’s strong and gentle embrace. The loss of your life is worth lamenting. We hurt because we love, and so we lean into the hurt. I’m so very excited to see the real you in the age to come, old timer. Other reads on facebook by Hannah Moseley Moldenhauer, Adam Moseley, and Becca Stephens, cousins of Shane.
CONCLUSION BUT NOT FINISHED
Make sure you find ways to connect with those you love and are part of your oikios (household) whether blood relative or not. Making those memories are important because one day life will not be any more and you cannot praise God anymore. “For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave?” Psalms 6:4-5 NLT What heritage or legacy are you leaving behind? Fathers we are thankful for you but if you want a positive legacy you must be intentional…..
PERSONAL REFLECTION: What spoke to you in this story? What can you say about your earthly Father? How does your earthly father impact who you are today? What difference can you, knowing your Heavenly Father’s impact or change the negative memories of your earthly Father? How can this concept of our earthly Father impact how we relate and tell others of the Heavenly Father’s love? Would love to hear any of your thoughts in the comment section of this blog….
From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,
“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”