THE HEART IS DECEITFUL WHO CAN KNOW IT: GOD CHANGES HEARTS AND IT BEGINS WITH US FIRST! 

“Unless the Lord Builds the house those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.  It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.”

PSALM 127:1-5

When my husband and I travel, I often run into parents, especially moms, whose children aren’t walking with the Lord. Their hearts are broken and I understand that.  As Shane was far from the Lord, over 10 of his friends died drug related deaths. This was crushing our hearts.  During our son, Shane’s, five year addiction with drugs, we wondered when his turn would come.  Please read “One Mother’s Journey of RAISING a Prodigal” by Sterling O’Neill, a 5 part series as the story unfolds. Part 1:  Shane’s Early Years ; Part 2: Years of Pain  ; Part 3: High School Years; Part 4: Coming to End of the Line; and Part 5: Changed Heart.    

COMING TO THE END OF THE LINE 

(PART 4)

“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”Psalm 139:16:  

Shane got worse before he got better! The desires of his heart were pure happiness and the very thing that he thought would bring him that joy was controlling him and killing him. Many of his friends ended up dying due to an overdose of drugs.  

Demons began to chase Shane. We sent him a Casting Crowns CD. Like young David played the harp for King Saul in the Old Testament Shane said “Everytime I listened to the CD the demons stopped chasing me.“ As he listened to the CD he heard about a different God.  A God that loved him so much that He was willing to send his only Son, Jesus to die for Him. That God was calling him to HIMSELF, bringing life and life more abundantly.

Shane, one Fall evening in late October, lay in his bed wondering about his life as he fell asleep next to his girlfriend. He didn’t want to live anymore! Nothing was ever enough. No matter how much drugs he took it didn’t satisfy. As his friends were dying around him he thought to himself, “God, this is not what I thought it was, it isn’t bringing me any happiness? I’m dying.” 

As he slept, he had a dream: Over to the side, God was weeping over souls who rejected Him, who had died and had no more choices to make. Could they have known Jesus if Shane had told them? For the first time Shane saw God not as some distant and uncaring God. Shane began to discover a God who loved Shane just he is. A God of compassion and of love. A True Lover of His Soul. Just like the ONE he was listening to and was told about on the CD from Casting Crowns and like the ONE he remembered his parents loved and followed.  

Shane was at a crossroads. He could dismiss the dream as just another nightmare or he could follow the drawing of the Holy Spirit to see the dream as a wake up call.  Shane did wake up and said to God, “If you are Truly God then, if I don’t die between now and Christmas when I visit my parents who I know loves Jesus and who has experienced YOU, then I will ask them to show me how to understand YOUR love too.”   

Shane did live till Christmas and did find God’s love. Jesus helped Shane get off drugs. The whole family rallied around Shane and loved him. His dad and sister became God in the flesh and many nights lay with Shane as he went through withdrawals. We went on family outings such as caving where Shane was able to get natural and healthy highs.

As we came to the end of our cave tour, we had to lean on each other to get up and out of the cove.  If we didn’t, one could fall and hurt themselves. The guide, asked Shane to spot me.  “Wow! Could I trust my son?  A son coming off of drugs and unstable.”

My thoughts continued, “Did Shane really want to help his mother, someone beside himself?” There was a lot of mistrust in my heart but God was calling us together. I had a choice. God was giving me a metaphor to reveal my own soul to trust more of HIM. 

(Picture 1: Shane with sister Shawna in Cave Dec. 2009/Picture 2:  Shane with Shawna, 2018 /Picture 3/4: Caving with whole family)

Today, Shane points back to this time as one of his best experiences together as a family that Christmas. His dad and Shane studied the Bible together, which hadn’t happened for a long time.  Shane is living proof that God does bring life. He does change hearts. And He was changing Shane’s mother’s heart. This one surprised me. 

Jesus really does love us for us. There is no greater love, than the One who is willing to lay His life down for another. God is not some distant God who we have to follow because we are puppets or weak but a God who wants us to walk with Him together because He first loved us.  

Principle 4: The Heart is deceitful who can know it: God changes hearts and it begins with us first! 

Six Things Revealed and Practiced 

1.There is a time to let go:  Letting Go doesn’t mean you stop finding ways to love your kids. It means allowing the consequences of their decisions to have full weight, trusting God to use all to draw them to Him. God  loves them more than we do. It means setting boundaries for yourself and guarding your own heart, making sure it is placed in the right direction too. 

“Casting all your care upon Him for He cares for you.” I Peter 5:7. It means willing to say NO where needed but moving in when they repent or are broken. I had to let go of Shane emotionally when we left him in Pennsylvania but it wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. Again it was the hardest decision we ever made but we had to let him grow up. 

Each stage of Shane’s life was God opening up my heart more to HIM and releasing little by little my control of my children. In what ways might you be still holding on?  What ways have you had to let go?  What Scripture can God use to strengthen your heart for this season to see HIM? 

2. Finding ways to connect without enabling.  Leaving Shane in PA., freed him to make his own decisions, to fulfill his own desires without mom and dad intervening. Shane, then had to take responsibility for the consequences of his own actions and face them.

Yet, we still found ways to connect. We called Shane often to let him know we loved him and was praying for him. We sent books and tapes to Shane to read and listen too. Then we would use this as a springboard to discuss ideas with him as opportunities came up. We would find ways to do things with Shane to keep in front of him when we visited him and keep the dialogue open. But there was times we had to say“NO” too.  

What brainstorming can you do with someone to help you figure out ways to continue to geniunely connect with your child?  What ways do you feel you are enabling your child and should say “No” both to them or to yourself? 

3. Finds ways to keep lines of communication open. How does one love a child even when you grieve and know or feel what they are doing is wrong but don’t want to push them away?  Emotionally it is a hard time. We kept praying for ways to continue to connect. Trying to communicate to Shane as best as we could our expectations as well.  When we said “No”,  we still reminded Shane we loved him, but until he finished sowing his oats, so to speak, we could not have him live in our home. We told him, we would love him from a distance. He was always welcome to visit and come home but these were our rules.

When Shane was ready to come back to God, he knew he could come to us for answers and come home.  He knew we loved God and we loved him. His decisions didn’t stop us from loving him but it did stop the closeness of the relationship. 

What ways have you experienced God’s love when you feel you have failed?  What would you like to say to God in this time of grieving, over the wrongs or direction you have felt from your child? What do you think God wants to communicate to you and your child about His love? Cling to these truths from God and His Word. 

Now what are some reasonable expectations if you have the opportunity, if you could communicate to your child? What ways can you keep lines of communication open to your child? 

4. Listen to your other children and process with them the journey:  Perhaps you have other children. You are not the only one being effective by this prodigal’s choices. Great opportunity to draw the family together, to use this painful time to process. 

What ways have you talked to your other kids to see how they are feeling?  What ways can you create an atmosphere of loving one another through this time? You never know God may use your other children, to speak to their sibling’s heart in ways you have not been able to!

5. Don’t assume just because they have come back to the Lord that they will be fixed. It takes time for healing and growth for everyone’s heart. God is more interested in the process than the end product. He is conforming us unto His (Christ’s) image. Romans 8:29.  The change starts with your heart first.  

6. Always pray.

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS: When your kids think of you what do they say about you and your relationship to the Lord and them? How are your other kids doing and in what ways are you discipling them through this time? What have I said or asked that has spoken to you the most? What steps can you take today? Tell us a part of your story in the comment session below.   

From One Pilgrim to another together on the journey,

“Consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds….. encouraging one another–and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)

“Intentionally journeying alongside women in order to encourage them to see God in their story, moving them closer to Jesus, and to discover their place in God’s Kingdom”d