ONE WHO SITS OVER ALL!

As most of us sit at home due to the coronavirus, my reasons for being here did not start off for the same reasons.  I am in recovery from a recent surgery where I went into the hospital on March 16th for a full hysterectomy.  The healing process usually takes 6-8 weeks.  As I write, I am into the 3rd week of this time period. And in this very unique season we are both facing the “c” word; mine is the potential of contined cancer, and with you the other “c” word, the coronavirus. 

At the end of January, when corona was only something bubbling up in China where it began, it was brought to my attention through a series of tests and eventually a biopsy, that revealed a cancerous tumer in my uterus.  This then lead to the March 16th surgery, which couldn’t wait!

PRACTICE BRINGING YOUR PRAYERS OF FEAR TO JESUS

Who Am I Going To Listen and/or Cling to?

My prayer throughout this season has been personally, Psalm 112:7,8

“He is not afraid of bad news: His heart is firm, trusting in the Lord. His heart is steady; he will not be afraid, until he looks in triumph on his adversaries.” 

These verses were given to me one week before this process started.  God was gracious in giving me strength and resources,  more of HIMSELF, especially ahead of time. When I heard the news of this path I remembered the verses that seemed to stand out to me in 3-D the day I read it and prayed.  My response  then became “LORD give me “A FIRM AND A STEADY HEART’, not one that fears but looks to you.”  When we started this journey, down this path there was potential unknowns and fears and grieving.  Sound familiar with this season for you?

Psalm 34 was also set in my soul.  Especially vs. 4 ‘I sought the LORD and he answered me and delivered me  from all my fears. ….’  vs. 7 ‘…The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him and delivers them.”

Lord, if I am not to fear or to take all my fears to you, I must wake up each morning and ask, ‘What is the question or fear on my heart today, Lord, that you want to reveal or answer”?  Often, I did wake up with a heavy heart but if I wanted that “steady heart” I knew where to go. Lord, I need to bring these thoughts and emotions before You. I need to lean into YOU, who knows all things.  I am convinced more than not, it is in these testing times that God reveals our hearts and gives us opportunity to see HIM more.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowley in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30.

“Help Lord!  My heart is not at rest.”  “I need you Jesus” What fear or question is on my heart today?” 

One fear, Lord, is telling people about the cancer situation, especially my children.  Each time I open my mouth and mention the “c” word, I can watch and feel their fear, sadness and/or their apprehenision. They don’t know what to say or do.  Lord, I am the encourager, and it seems I am bringing their souls bad news.  I like to bring good news, Lord. Each person I tell has to work through their own emotions when they hear I have the “c” word. Naturally the process is: “What might this look like,if it happened to me?”  Yet, I know I need to tell people. I want people’s prayers and know the importance of community and support coming around me in time of need.  

I especially feel the weight of sharing with my kids and what they might feel.  This is too heavy to carry, Lord.  I am surprised how well they are handling what we just shared  but facing the idea that their mom has the “c” word and the future unknown that she might die, that can be heavy!  God said, “you want to glorify me right?”  Yes! This is your opportunity. What do you mean, Lord? 

Jesus said, Yes,  that burden is too heavy for you to carry. Let me carry it!  Take my Yoke.  I am using “this” to work in all your lives, to draw you to ME, so lean into me and I will carry this!   Let me handle it.  It is okay if they need to process, I am there for them too. This allows ME to move in and minister to them, where they can see more of me and put the words on their heart to pray for you.  I am inviting you to seek the rest in me you need and be encouraged by others.  You will find rest in ME so focus on ME and receive all as if from me.

I could at first only share with one or two people at a time to keep my emotional balance.  Jim, my husband, was kind enough, too,  to write letters and send out to many, until I felt strong enough to share personally with more people. I was not alone. The words of others are soothing to my soul and draw me to God.

In this time of turbulence, with the other “c” word, the coronavirus, what are some ways you have found hope and rest in Jesus?  

I need strength from the BIG “C’ everyday. I need to see Jesus, the Christ, who is Lord of all, so He can fill me up. Writing in my journal, sometimes God answers prayers from the scripture, and sometimes through people or something I read later throughout the day.  More than not, by the end of the day, an answer would be given. Has this been an easy path? NO, but God is kind to give me the strength to see HIM.  To replace Satan’s lies with God HIMSELF. 

Who am I going to listen to? Who am I going to pay attention to and cling to?  Truth or lies?  Sometimes it is lies and I have to repent.

How are you grounding yourself to bring peace and rest to your souls that Jesus promised? What practices are you implementing to bring you strength and get you back to a “steady heart” grounded in the BIG ‘C” (CHRIST)?

PRACTICE PRAYERS OF GRIEF TO JESUS

What Invitation(s) is God Presenting to You?  

Sometimes I am uncertain of my own  feelings as the Psalmist and often will use time to cry out my desires of wanting to live, fears or losses or potential losses, I am feeling. 

Many of us are having to forgo what brings us joy.  Maybe you are experiencing  loss too. The virus has caused global disorientation. How are you affected?

A friend of our family sent us a picture that depicts Jesus in the garden of Gathsemene being consoled by the Angel of the Lord.  Jesus was in the garden and asked God, His Father, to take this assignment from Him, of suffering on our behalf. The Cross was looming before Jesus.  

“Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me.’ Luke 22:42a.

This imag became encouraging to my soul, that Jesus, as he left the garden was weak and tired and the Angel of the Lord strengthened Him. If Jesus didn’t die on the cross, we would not have the opportunity to have eternal life through Jesus’ act of sacrifical unconditional love on our behalf. Yet, Jesus, who is God, coming as man, we see cried out to His Father. Jesus’ prayer of grief was heard by the Father. 

BUT Jesus said, ‘Nevertheless, not my Will but YOURS FATHER be done” Luke 22:42b

(Sketch by Cassie Chase 5/2020) ‘And there appeared to Him an angel from heaven strengthening him.” Luke 22:4

As you look at this picture above and think about this story of Jesus, where might you find yourself right now?  What invitation is God presenting to you?  ( Extra Resource: Viso Divina)

PRACTICE PRAYERS OF THANKSGIVING TO JESUS 

Where is God Showing up? 

One blog writer recently said they are learning in such difficult seasons of grief to hold  “Holding Grief and Gratitude Together “ at the same time. Yes, much grief but much to be thankful for, too. Be willing to acknowledge both. And allow them to have space in your heart and prayers. 

If you saw my journal you would see how God used verses, people texting, emailing, or verbally praying or giving words of affirmation, as well as other stories to encourage my heart. Many out of their own praise and testimony of God’s work in their lives even in the midst of their own struggles. 

The timing of all these were not some sort of cosmic karma but Kiaros, a Divine and timely moment that only God could orcrastrate. They would come at a time when I would be asking or verbalizing to God a question. 

 

Remembering, where has God shown up?  Jounaling “BUT GOD” (BIG “C” CHRIST)

• How fast God revealed to us that something wasn’t quite right in my body and then how quickly God placed me in surgery.   
• God gave me quick turn around landing me with a great OB Doctor, who happens to be a surgeon.
• Doctor, is a man of faith who happens to have been involved in international missions work as well, like us.  His bed side manners have been wonderful as well as his knowledge and care.  The minute we walked into his office we (Jim and I both) felt God’s presence individually, and we had never met him. 
• Timing of our visits and hospital stays: One delight I had before I went into the hospital  was staying a week with our grandkids, twin boys, while our second daughter and her husband could take a trip away before their next child is born at end of June.  What a wonderful week to focus on something happy before my operation.  Thank you Lord. 
• God was kind to allow us to get the cancer at an early low grade, Stage 1A.  If you are going to get cancer at all we got the best kind, we were told. 
• The hospital the Doctor is part of is only 30 minutes from our home and is new with excellent care. Again felt God’s calming hand surrounding us through the process. 
• The surgery was scheduled the very week lockdown of “staying home” with coronavirus. ‘ Allowing one of our daughters and her family to still come for the first week I would be home recovering.  Such joy to have all here, along with the two grandkids, running around. Nothing like community surrounding you when you are trying to heal. Brought much life to our hearts and has allowed me to get the rest I needed.  She brought lots of food which lasted another week.  Our son too, came up a few days as well.  Gave company to my husband as he gains this new rhythm of taking care of his wife.  
• Four days later after the surgery we got good results from doctor that they feel they got all the cancer!  Also the tumor was not attached to the lining of the Uterus which means no complicatons.
  

  Church Elders Praying over me before my surgery

• However, the doctor said, one other test still needs to come back.  So we waited 4 more days. Doctor, says, “Last test showed a few clusters of cancerous cells got into your pelvus fluid but still low grade which is good.” Didn’t seem like good news.
• After talking decided to go on Hormone Therapy pills to see if we can knock out these cells over a period of time.  There are side effects which he named but after 4 weeks of taking the meds I feel hopeful and encouraged, that my body so far is handling the side effects well. Because God has lead us this far, we can trust whatever the future brings. There is a 86% success rate with this track of next steps, which in the cancer world is a very high percentage.  Since mine is lowgrade, other than God’s divine intervention otherwise, I believe I am in good standing. 
• Psalm 84:11 Says “God does not withhold any good from those who are righteous.” God is good  Himself and promises to be with us no matter what. None of us has security apart from God’s divine hand upon us.  I can be content that God promises Himself and to be with us no matter what. He is good, therefore wants good for me even if it doesn’t always feel like it.  
•  God thank you for the coronavirus lockdown, even if we don’t like it, you have allowed my husband to be around to give me the extra care I need. His care has allowed me to recover well and it is a reflection of His love for Jesus and Jesus’ love in Him.  I am receiving more of Jesus because of his unconditional love for me.    
• We have had a steady stream of people extending their prayers and love to us.  Along with our church, who has helped with food as well. We feel most blessed. Glad we decided to push through our fear and tell people.  Thank you Jesus.

As I think of the pandemic crisis now with this coronavirus, the cancer situation seems very small in comparison but the emotions are still very real and have hit all of us in one way or another. Fran Love recently as she spoke at NextGen Leaders Community on Zoom said “Emotion is called E-moton, (in motion) it is going to carry you somewhere.  Either towards God or away from Him.” Reminding me to journal, and be thankful another day for HIM.  We all have a time and day set for us to die.  You don’t have to face cancer or corona and/or any other little  “c” word to realize our mortality. He, CHRIST, the BIG “C” is the only sure Person to put our faith in.

Another friend who writes a blog, (Joy in the Journey) said “this virus has not created our need for the Lord, it’s revealing it.” Where have you seen God show up in your life during this season? May I encourage you to write them down. 

I am now entering my 8th week of recovery since I started this blog but the story is not over. To those who have prayed, thank you!

PERSONAL REFLECTIONS:  As you read this blog, what story, passage, or practice spoke to you?  What question that I asked, if any, stirred in you? Where you are now?  What invitation is God presenting to you? I would love to hear any of your musings or thoughts.